tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092269165606224835.post7218519042446342395..comments2023-04-26T06:22:14.737-07:00Comments on Our Journey Together: Things People Say . . .Shelly Robertshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10083694308527761405noreply@blogger.comBlogger13125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092269165606224835.post-6803923606722261912008-12-20T07:26:00.001-08:002008-12-20T07:26:00.001-08:00Hey! I'm Tiff's friend, and now that we are fb fri...Hey! I'm Tiff's friend, and now that we are fb friends I see that we have several friends in common. Amy Bottomly, for example!<BR/><BR/>I have heard most of the comments you listed, and feel like I just need to be gracious and have thick skin. I get asked if they are brother and sister all the time, and people 'ooooooh' and 'aaaaaw' over them a lot, with my bio kids right there. I often just say 'yes. we are blessed with 4 beautiful kids' or 'yes, all 4 of our kids are beautiful' or something like that for the sake of our older two (who are only 6 and 4).<BR/>The one that bothers me the most though, is when people ask me<BR/>IN FRONT OF MY KIDS:<BR/>"So, did their mom die, then?" or "How did their real parents die?"<BR/><BR/>It happens often. I cover thier ears and say 'I don't like to talk about that in front of them' although, I've thought of saying<BR/>"Oh, why? Did yours?"<BR/>I just can't believe that people are so insensitive. They are 2 and 3 years old. They understand what they are saying, and they just act like they aren't there.Angelahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04181218500760233960noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092269165606224835.post-91171142197690472962008-12-20T07:26:00.000-08:002008-12-20T07:26:00.000-08:00Hey! I'm Tiff's friend, and now that we are fb fri...Hey! I'm Tiff's friend, and now that we are fb friends I see that we have several friends in common. Amy Bottomly, for example!<BR/><BR/>I have heard most of the comments you listed, and feel like I just need to be gracious and have thick skin. I get asked if they are brother and sister all the time, and people 'ooooooh' and 'aaaaaw' over them a lot, with my bio kids right there. I often just say 'yes. we are blessed with 4 beautiful kids' or 'yes, all 4 of our kids are beautiful' or something like that for the sake of our older two (who are only 6 and 4).<BR/>The one that bothers me the most though, is when people ask me<BR/>IN FRONT OF MY KIDS:<BR/>"So, did their mom die, then?" or "How did their real parents die?"<BR/><BR/>It happens often. I cover thier ears and say 'I don't like to talk about that in front of them' although, I've thought of saying<BR/>"Oh, why? Did yours?"<BR/>I just can't believe that people are so insensitive. They are 2 and 3 years old. They understand what they are saying, and they just act like they aren't there.Angelahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04181218500760233960noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092269165606224835.post-33908065046076354532008-08-29T09:41:00.000-07:002008-08-29T09:41:00.000-07:00My response was getting so long, I made it into a ...My response was getting so long, I made it into a whole post.<BR/><BR/>http://onemothersday.blogspot.com/Anniehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12623179886908222942noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092269165606224835.post-71621295100267079452008-06-18T08:38:00.000-07:002008-06-18T08:38:00.000-07:00Thanks for that post! We still get all kinds of c...Thanks for that post! We still get all kinds of comments even though Andrew is 4 years old. My favorites are...<BR/>Is he from another relationship? Is he yours or are you baby sitting?<BR/><BR/>Gutsy, but I have even had people ask me if I love my biological child more than my adopted child. Ummm...NO!!!!Valoriehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09649758211106731067noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092269165606224835.post-58102247922104011392008-06-18T07:31:00.000-07:002008-06-18T07:31:00.000-07:00Thanks for sharing all that. I was reading it on a...Thanks for sharing all that. I was reading it on a break, at work, and a lot of it made me laugh! People were asking what I was laughing at! I can't believe the things people ask or think- it's amazing! I love the sweet story at the end too! <BR/><BR/>I also appreciated the post b/c it helps me know what to expect as we get closer to getting our sweet baby. If you have any good book suggestions about "becoming a trans-racial family". I would appreciate it. So far the books I have looked through have been lame and full of common sense information that I didn't find helpful... Or books that people have written about thier lives that were good stories but didn't necessarily help with what to expect. So- I have focused my efforts mostly on Ethiopia informaion- culture, people, etc. <BR/><BR/>I would appreciate any suggestions! <BR/><BR/>chelseandavid@hotmail.comSparkzhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01237775460525021061noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092269165606224835.post-63186995586687702472008-06-17T15:33:00.000-07:002008-06-17T15:33:00.000-07:00That last story you told is wonderful. It's so tru...That last story you told is wonderful. It's so true that we need to prepare our kids for the bone-headed things people will say (and my gosh! that list you included is awful!). I think because there's such a "live and let live" attitude in Portland, we haven't gotten too many negative comments, especially about race. the one thing I have noticed and find hard to deal with is the way people seem to assume it's okay to ask intensely personal questions about Abe (and us) because he was adopted. I've been trying hard to perfect my best "Well, that's his story to tell one day when he's older, so we try to keep that private." I understand human curiosity, but it's the personal questions that come with no caveat of "If it's too personal, you don't have to answer but..." that I find hardest to deal with. People act like they have a RIGHT to know the intimate details of Abe's life, which infuriates me. They see him as a curiosity to tell at their next dinner party and not a human being.<BR/>Sorry to go on about this. Great post is all I meant to say :)Lorihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15553145979283388517noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092269165606224835.post-49196605295145531752008-06-17T06:31:00.000-07:002008-06-17T06:31:00.000-07:00Hi, Just came across your blog from the ABBA Fund ...Hi, <BR/>Just came across your blog from the ABBA Fund blog.<BR/><BR/>I've come to the conclusion that every ignorant comment is an opportunity to educate, and every mean-spirited comment is an opportunity to practice self-control...<BR/><BR/>JoyJoyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18352134326220928057noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092269165606224835.post-49959251041918768682008-06-16T22:07:00.000-07:002008-06-16T22:07:00.000-07:00Already, I have heard several of those comments. ...Already, I have heard several of those comments. I so agree that once you see the need in Ethiopia, you just KNOW that although this road may be difficult at times, it is still a road of hope for these children. AND God is the one that put us on this road, so I will trust that forever.<BR/><BR/>Take care!<BR/><BR/>Hey, I was asked the other day if they were black (by an AA woman).Farmboy and Buttercuphttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09468429279918964719noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092269165606224835.post-5293073125133132042008-06-13T18:40:00.000-07:002008-06-13T18:40:00.000-07:00Wow, that's a mouth full! Thanks for sharing all o...Wow, that's a mouth full! Thanks for sharing all of that with us.<BR/>I hope I can handle those times with grace like you have.<BR/><BR/>I have to say my favorite is, did Brad and Angalina inspire you......right anything they do.<BR/><BR/>More like a God inspired adoption.<BR/><BR/>MichelleMichael and Michellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03620093506116245541noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092269165606224835.post-31211681709193554282008-06-13T14:18:00.000-07:002008-06-13T14:18:00.000-07:00Thanks for fixing the code! Now we can read it!! ...Thanks for fixing the code! Now we can read it!! I agree, so many comments, looks, etc....you can't adopt transracially and decide to blend in everywhere you go. You have to be willing to face the questions, comments, stares....and deal with them as needed. For your child's sake, for the family's sake. But it's worth it and really, I'd rather have my eyes open to it all than be blinded and presume that sort of ignorance or worse, bigotry, doesn't exist or happen. Best to face it head on and move through it. Good for you!!! What a great mom you are!coffeemomhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12332220347018136072noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092269165606224835.post-63923237935191106472008-06-12T19:08:00.000-07:002008-06-12T19:08:00.000-07:00Something is wrong with my computer...I can only r...Something is wrong with my computer...I can only read the 1st 2 paragraphs of your post. The rest of your post appears all mixed up and in a weird font I guess....my computer is keeping me from reading the "good part" <BR/><BR/>Love checking in with you....Natalie Fournethttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14313182951049552910noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092269165606224835.post-68039154807897961962008-06-12T06:22:00.000-07:002008-06-12T06:22:00.000-07:00Yes, these things are true! I think some days are ...Yes, these things are true! I think some days are harder than others... maybe it's my own mood that makes me not have as much grace for some people. I think it's great that you wrote these things down- education and knowledge can prepare us for the things we'll encounter as families. Thanks sweet Shelly! <BR/>beccamama becca https://www.blogger.com/profile/08043250825863649224noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092269165606224835.post-68663205244795307302008-06-12T05:21:00.000-07:002008-06-12T05:21:00.000-07:00Can I add one? "How much did he cost?"Said to my ...Can I add one? <BR/><BR/>"How much did he cost?"<BR/><BR/>Said to my friend about her son... I about died!Traceyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12161281658005173600noreply@blogger.com