Transition, Changes and a New Blog

Dear Friends,

Well, as many of you know by now who have followed our adoption journey, we are in a new adventure. No, we're not adopting again .... but we are beginning a new ministry with some folks that are very dear to us, over at the ABBA Fund. We won't be posting very often at this blog anymore, but invite you to join us over at Serving Him Together.

Right now we're still in the midst of transition, waiting to sell our home and prepare for the new chapter of our lives in Illinois. We are really excited about the future and look forward to seeing how God will work out all the details of our lives and ministry. Our hearts are also heavy for the dear friends we're leaving behind.

We hope that our on-line home of Serving Him Together will provide a place where we can encourage, strengthen and equip families in their journey of adoption. Primarily it will be "adoption focused", but I have a feeling will be a whole mix of things as we live out what God has given us to do.

If you are a family currently in the adoption process, be sure to come visit us and let us know where you're at in the process and how we might be able to pray for you. If you are just friends & family who enjoy seeing "happenings" and pics of our crew, you are certainly welcome as well. Perhaps you have become more aware of the needs of orphans through following our blog and want to know more about how you can be part of that .... we invite you to drop on by our new on-line home.

This time of transition has not been an easy one. It has stretched us beyond anything we thought we could endure. Through it all ... God has been so gracious, loving and faithful to us. Easy??? ... not one bit. But we'd much rather be right where He has placed us, than have an "easy/comfortable" life .... because that's where true joy is found ... in Him.

Thanks for following along on our journey to Maleah. So many of you have literally prayed us through and we are forever grateful. We are constantly amazed at God's goodness and are still at times in disbelief that He would choose to put these little ones in our lives.

With Love,
The Roberts Family

Flowers from Ethiopia

God never ceases to amaze me by the creative ways He encourages and blesses. This morning, I received "flowers from Ethiopia". If you're new to our journey ... you might want to read the background of the story here and here.

"Dear mom,this pictures are for you and for all of your families.
I love you very much."

Thank you, my dear Getahun ... my long-distance clever son. You truly warmed my heart today and gave me courage to keep pressing on in this new ministry journey that sometimes seems like too big of a mountain to climb.

Reflecting on God's Faithfulness

Three years, 8 months and 4 days ago I met this little one in a Houston, TX hospital. We'd waited what seemed like so long for her (we did not know babe would be HER, for the record!). :) As the holidays approached just before that, I'd grown so weary. My heart was feeling very faint, so sensitive to the needs of children who had no place to call home ... yet wondering why it was taking so long to get that call. During "the wait", we'd gone through a big health scare, which eventually led to surgery that was grueling for me to get over. All of these compiled has just worn me down. Well, shortly after the new year, we put in an email to the agency we were using to check in ... that prompted them to email us back with a special situation they had. A little girl, African American, 4 days old, about to undergo major heart surgery, no family available. We knew right away this was the child that God had been preparing us for. A little math and we realize God was relentless in calling us to obey him at the time of her conception. God is in the details, in case you've ever wondered. :)

So after having the absolute privilege of praying for her that day as she underwent surgery .... then hearing she made it through and was beginning the long road of recovery ... we made travel arrangements and soon I was on three different flights to get to her.

I'll never forget walking in that room. The huge sense of JOY from the Lord I had in knowing this is exactly where He'd led us ...... and the horrendous realization of just how alone she was. Here in America. She was still on a breathing machine, dialysis, and a host of other wires and gadgets ... yet those BIG brown eyes were WIDE open and met with mine as I walked up to her side. The nurses later told me I looked like a deer staring into headlights as I walked into the room. They were concerned something was unexpected to me. No ... I was just taking it all in.

I remember holding her little hand. Thoughts in my mind quickly drifted to her birthmom .... the amazing and brave woman who chose to give her life and not end it in a culture where it's so commonly accepted.

Well .... time has passed and now this spunky 'lil Texan is doing just great. We returned recently from our heart-doctor check up and she got a wonderful report! How grateful we are to God for protecting her, bringing healing through doctors to fix her heart and for giving us the JOY of watching her grow up.

We knew that children with heart conditions, such as hers could easily have "delays", or issues later on after some trauma after birth. But we also knew regardless of what lie ahead, we needed to be obedient and trust the Lord had a plan, no matter what it looked like to us. Those of you who know Naomi, know there are no delays. :) She is the spunkiest of all our children. She's witty and some days a challenge to "out smart". She asks me questions about her life that you expect an 8 or 10 yr old adoptee to ask.

Looking back I cannot imagine life without her. What if we'd not obeyed when God was drawing our hearts to feel the needs of orphans? What if we had listened only to "practical reasoning" and not trusting in the God who owns everything? What if we'd given into fear of issues regarding becoming a multi-ethnic family? For us, it was an issue of obedience. Would we trust God with EVERYTHING ....... every detail.

These days we're in a new season of trusting. Huge things like selling a home, embracing a new ministry, raising support during a questionable economy and a long list of others. We find ourselves wrestling with the big and the little. Do we really trust that God is good, no matter the circumstances we see? Do we really believe He has our best in mind? Will we be faithful to walk this journey, even when we only see a tiny glimpse at a time of what is ahead?

I have been so deeply challenged by Philippians 4:4-6 these last days. Not a new passage ... one that has brought hope and encouragement in times past. But these days it's bringing something different. It is challenging me in depths I've not been to in awhile. Perhaps, it might bring encouragement to you in your own life.

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!
Let your gentleness be evident to all.
The Lord is near.
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything,
by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving,
present your requests to God.
And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding,
will guard your hearts and your minds
in Christ Jesus.
Phil 4:4-6

As I wrestle through the things I need to trust God about .... it brings me hope to look back at all the times in our lives we've experienced His abundant faithfulness. We left for Houston, TX with a lot of questions. We had a back-up plan, that was not a desirable one for us. Earlier on in our adoption process we had applied with the ABBA Fund for a no-interest loan. At that time, they didn't have the funds yet to honor our request, but "perhaps" they "might" be having more funds soon. It was a big "if". BY FAITH we purchased the tickets for me to get on that plane and David to follow later. During our time in the hotel, while Naomi was recovering from surgery, we got the notification from Eugene that indeed they could stand with us for our loan. That was a couple hours before we needed to write a check to cover the rest of her financial needs to bring her home.

So while we wait for God to reveal the details of the future, and answer the "unknowns", we look back and recount HIS FAITHFULNESS and praise Him. He is GOOD. He is ABLE. We must do our part and trust Him to do His.

September 11, 2008

Let us never forget what happened seven years ago.

Let us never take for granted the freedom we have here.

Let us cry out to God for His wisdom and help.

Let us lift up the families who still grieve and mourn those who have lost their lives.

edited to add: This is a powerful account of a personal reflection by Eva Marie Everson of 9/11. I encourage you to read it.

We are Blessed!

How my life is blessed by this man! When we started our journey together ... I'm sure it's a good thing we didn't know all that was ahead! There have been valleys that have gone pretty deep that broke way to mountaintops that reached great heights. We have learned to be content in times of great joy and in seasons of heartache. Four years ago we didn't know if we'd celebrate many more anniversaries together (health scare).

Little did we know our family would one day expand and grow both in diversity and depth, the way it has. We are so undeserving of all the goodness the Lord has blessed us with. He has been our Strength, our Hope, our Refuge, our Redeemer, our Friend, our Shepherd .... our Rock. Without His grace we would not be standing today.

God has given us the absolute privilege and overwhelming responsibility to raise up five children for His glory. He has given us a heart for orphans and sharing their needs with all who will have ears to hear. He's given us a passion for family ministry, as we know ourselves both of the trials that come in this life .... and of the mercy and hope that is found in Him.

How I hope to have many, many years with this man by my side. I long to learn how to be a better wife, so that I can be a greater blessing to him. Happy Anniversary, Honey. Can't wait for you to get back home.

Email, Poverty and a Fragile Heart

Crazy huh? .... the stark contrast of our current technology and the poverty crisis that so many face today around the world. You see, I struggle sometimes with what to share. Opening your heart to feel the needs of orphans is gonna hurt. Allowing your eyes to see their reality ... well, it's gonna sometimes be hard to even look. Keeping your ears open to hear their reality .... it will make you cringe.

As you know by now, if you've been following our journey ... someone claimed a part of my heart in Ethiopia. All during our preparation time I had this growing burden for the boys at Kolfe. If you've never seen it, you'll want to see this video. I thought maybe it was perhaps because I had three boys of my own and so seeing other boys in such circumstances just tore at my heart. But now I know that God was preparing me to meet one special boy in particular. Perhaps you heard about him also here where my dear friend Angie got a very surprise package! And so after being home, we've been writing to each other and I just never know when I'll grab my morning cup of coffee and sit down to check my mail and see a letter via email from our far-away-son.

At first he called me Shelly, then Mom Shelly, then My Dear Mom ... and now I'm sometimes Ma. We write about various things ...

• the current economic crisis facing his people
• how he tested to pass the national exams (so he can stay studying in his program)
• about his parents that died
• how his grandmother is a good woman
• the need for a jacket in this rainy weather
• his belief that God is real and His Word is true (smart boy!)
• his questions of when God will come and help his people
• what his shoe size is
• his sister and the tragic way in which she died
• how he wants me to visit him again in Ethiopia

As a mom, we want to "fix" our kids' lives ... at least as much as we're able. Right? When they outgrow their shoes, we get them another pair. When they face hard times, we walk beside them helping them back up again. When they are cold, we get out the winter blankets. When it's supper time and everyone is hungry, we sit around the table together. When they are grieving ... we wipe their tears.

At times I feel so limited by what I can do for Getahun. It took me about 3 months to get him to tell me he needs a jacket and a pair of shoes. What JOY for not only him to finally feel close enough to tell me, but for him to also begin to realize this is part of what love is!!! ... to help meet needs ... not just physical, but also emotional and spiritual. How I look forward to seeing my handsome boy is his warm jacket.

You may be wondering how he emails me. Well, this clever young man has gotten himself a job and earned favor with his boss. For part of his "pay" he is able to use some time to email. Yeah!!! ... happy American family are we!!! And his boss helps him to be able to purchase some shirts he needed. Those will be a great help when he goes to school again and works hard to make it in a system that forces so many odds against him.

Today he wrote me more about the situation with his living distant relatives. He also shared about how he is tutoring some other young boys. I was so pleased to learn that one of those boys is Solomon, which you may have read about here.

Will you have ears to hear?, eyes to see?, and a heart to feel their needs? My dear Getahun is only one boy.


This is the kitchen in which
their food is cooked.







This is an area that needs torn
down and replaced with working
restrooms. Don't you agree?



This room needs chairs and tables.










You see ... I can't just come home and forget what I saw. These are real people with real needs. Most have lost their parents, they get cold and wet .... they desire an education. Many are bright and eager to learn. They long to have family. For Getahun, he is to old to be considered "adoptable" by current laws. But Lord willing ... he will never question again if he has a family. Even if we never share the same name or dinner table. What absolute JOY fills my heart when I see my dear son Getahun's message in the "inbox" on my computer screen. I'll admit ... my heart is fragile ... it sometimes hurts deeply to be open to feeling these needs. The poverty can be overwhelming and cause a person to just grow numb or feel inadequate to even make a difference. But how I thank the Lord for email!! .... crazy or not .... it is a link to our son that we treasure.

Thanks to the Baggett Family!!! .... there is a package going to him very soon. I am SO excited! :)



Perhaps some of you families preparing to travel will have someone claim residence in part of your heart, just as what happened to us .... a few short months ago.

Maleah is 18 months old!

What a difference a few months makes! Our girlie is now walking, talking and blossoming. She is quite comfortable with us now, not afraid to whimper or show preferences and certainly not afraid to spat a bit for a toy. All the "normal things" that toddlers go through and I have to say we are rejoicing to see them! I'll never forget the day she learned the word "MINE!" and could say it with such force! My first reaction was to say "No!" and go into a little lesson on sharing, etc. But I found myself saying "Yes!, that's right!" .... she had figured out the comprehension of yet another English word. No worries, now that she "gets it", we for sure teach her to share. :)

Long ago are the days of her giving Daddy the cold shoulder. She now squeals in absolute delight at the sound of his voice when he's coming home from work. Gone are the days of being afraid of most any food. She's even learned to enjoy ice cream with the rest of us! Having to sit by her crib in a chair while she falls asleep is no longer a necessity to every nap and bedtime. Now we go from snuggling and rocking with her night-time milk bottle to saying "baby?" .... "blankie?" ... and she just smiles huge with delight!, knowing it's time for bed! (we have our sleeper back!! - thank you God!)

It has been quite a summer in the Roberts family. Maleah coming to join our family was only one part of this huge time of transition the Lord has taken us through. We came home for Ethiopia with an even greater burden about what we, as a family, were to do about the needs of orphans. We find ourselves on a new adventure of trusting in our Heavenly Father in great and amazing ways. We rest in His Faithfulness and praise Him for His Goodness to us for carrying us through. More to come on that in the days ahead.

They Need Someone

While much of our recent adoption journey that we've shared with you has been about the children's needs in other countries .... never far from our minds are the needs right here in the US.

How can it be we're all so busy in our daily lives that we don't stop and listen to their cries? I encourage you to take a few moments and view this wonderful video put out by the Dave Thomas Foundation.

Some of us are called to open our homes and make room for a child. Some are called to foster-parent through an especially difficult season in another family's life. Some are called to give.

As we wrestle through what God is calling our family to do it all comes down to one simple, yet profound truth. These children need someone.

Thoughts of my distant son

Tonight, as I catch up on some correspondence, I come across one of the most precious people to me .... our "distant son", Getahun. As I begin to write to him, my heart breaks once again. How does a mother love from so far away? I have only come across one regret that I have while being in Ethiopia ... and that is much too little time with this boy that I love so much. While I am so grateful that he is in our lives . . . it is also incredibly bittersweet. There is so much I want to do for him, yet I feel so limited. What he longs for is family. Tonight, I pray .... Lord help me because I feel so inadequate.

I think of him as I prepare dinner and I would love nothing more than for him to share our meal. For tonight, a letter must suffice. I must continue loving him from afar . . . praying for him, writing to him ..... and never cease asking the Lord to make a way for more children like Getahun to have a family.

He calls me Mom ... I call him son ... how I love him.

A Call to Prayer

Today my heart is heavy for all the many families waiting for their court date ... Aug 5th Ethiopian time .... which means for us tonight (the 4th). Several of these children we met on our trip. We touched them. We took photos of them. We prayed that soon they would be united with families. Arsema is a daily reminder to me of all the many, many children still waiting ... either to pass court and meet their parents .... or to still be in the long process of waiting on God to provide them a family.

Will you join us in praying today for these precious families that are SO READY to make that long, tedious flight across the world to bring home their children? Will you pray for court processes to go smoothly, extra strength for the incredible Gladney staff working on these children's behalf, and for the families who sometimes feel their entire life is on hold just waiting for that news that they passed and they can go.

What a comfort to know that GOD CARES about these children. "A Father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling." Psalm 68:5 Lord, may your will be done in the lives of each of these children. May you bring beauty from ashes. May you minister to them in ways we cannot even fathom. We trust you ... and we call out to you for your help.

Bonding & Overcoming Language Barrier in the Older Baby Adoption

At last, I'm going to try and share some thoughts on "Bonding and Overcoming Language Barrier" in the older baby adoption.  Beware, it's gonna be jumbled.  So bear with me.  I know many of you adoptive families are traveling SOON (we are SO excited for you!!) and you're probably like I was, searching for every/any bit of info to prepare.  Let me first start by saying that EVERY adoption is different and EVERY child is unique.  So I'll just share our experiences with you about Arsema and hopefully you'll find some of it beneficial.

As many of you know, adopting a toddler baby can be one of the most challenging ages.  They are older than "baby-baby" and very aware that every single thing is changing in their lives.  And they are not into the "preschooler" stage where you can have someone help to prepare them with words what is about to happen.    I was always afraid of toddler adoption.  That would be one reason for the age we requested.  I felt I was simply not up for it.  

Well, when sweet Mary called us with our referral, she had two reservations.  One was Arsema's health (she was finishing up treatment for TB) and one was her age.  She was at the very, very end of the age we had given them and with not knowing how long court process would go, obviously she was only going to get older.  Right away David and I said, no problem (to both) and proceeded.  We trusted more than ourselves and knew God had planned everything.  Now having said that, which is deeply true ........ I had this weary pit in my stomach.  Fears of her not accepting us, concerns of how to communicate with her.  At times it tried to even rob my joy.  We'd received the "infamous updates" saying how leery of strangers she was, how we'd have to work at the relationship, etc.  I just wanted to GET THERE and begin the process and I felt so out of control in the situation.

Arsema held up to her "image" so to speak.  She was extremely leery of strangers, even many that were "familiar" to her.  In some ways this was a good sign for me .... smart girly ... nobody was gonna trick her!  But it is truly hard to prepare your heart to finally see your child and have him/her handed over to you and feel their stiff and reserved body in your arms.  

Bonding came s-l-o-w-l-y.  But as I look back now, just 3 months later ... I am just in awe of how far we have come as a family of 7!  WOW!  We went through SO many stages between then and now.  Here are a few things that worked well for us and really helped get to where we are.  

1) Feeding - We kept her on her current feeding schedule, which was primarily bottles til she was ready to accept new things.  This means you throw out the "U.S. normal" and just watch and listen to your child.  I had to constantly just lay aside her "age" and treat her at her current emotional/developmental stage.  As we did that, she learned to trust us and before we knew it would be inching her way towards progression.  She was plenty plump!, and did not need as many calories as that many bottles would provide, so we diluted her formula down, which also helped with her constipation issues she had when we got there.

2) Sleeping - I'm well aware there are many opinions on sleeping and babies/children.  I'll just share with you what really helped us and Arsema.  We moved her crib into our room before she arrived home.  We wanted to be the first ones she saw when she woke so she could learn to trust that we were there to meet her needs.  This really seemed to help her, as she would wake frightened, yet often too sad to cry.  She'd kinda stare at us like ... hhmmm ... so you're still there ... this dream is still happening.  But over time (like within a couple weeks) those "sad looks" faded away more and more.  We would also bring her to our bed often in those early days and have her sit between us in the morning as we were all waking up.  This helped her to "accept" her daddy as part of the package (see previous post during after our homecoming for more on this).  

David got a really bad, nasty respiratory cold after we returned home.  That's the LAST thing we needed to spread around.  So he actually slept downstairs in another bed for several days.  During this time I had both girls on two floors of the house at night by myself (older sis with the same nasty cold upstairs) and Arsema up at night also.  During this time, I just brought her to bed with me when she first woke up.  We also spent some of her naps like this.  I have to say this was a HUGE key in me bonding with her.  Everything was really starting to get to me a bit.  Carrying that BIG baby around so much and not "receiving back" much affection .... well, it can make a momma's heart grow pretty sad.  So if she wouldn't "snuggle" with me awake, she would when she was sleeping!  Finally David got better and didn't appreciate her feet kicking him at night ... I was so sleep deprived at this point, I never even noticed her feet!!, I was just enjoying SWEET SLEEP!  Ha.  So we eased her back into her own bed again and it went just fine.

3)  Carrying - that's a big help to the bonding process as well.  I used a sling some which was a nice change of pace for the weight being more on my body, instead of my arms.  Just keeping them close to you helps a lot.  This may sound really weird, but some kids need to "learn" that they like being held by you.  Oh, she preferred being held, no doubt .... but she had to "learn" that she "enjoyed" being held.  Not just that being held was better than being sat down.  Along those same lines, we had to really work with her to show affection.  I knew it was in her ... she had attached to her caregivers, but it was going to only come by earning her trust.  We started slow and safe by "blowing kisses".  About 2 months plus into it she would give us real kisses and hugs.  This took a LOT of work and coaxing.  By this time it also REALLY helped that she grew jealous of her sister.  Yeah!!! ... this is good!  :)  Thankfully Naomi is extremely cuddly to us, so she got to see this a lot.  Finally she decided it must be good stuff and started giving hugs/kisses and some cuddles on her own initiative.  I never envisioned so many tiny parts to this process.  But as each new phase would come it felt like huge victory.

Language was a p-r-o-c-e-s-s.  I could tell right away that she could only handle so much English chitter-chatter without feeling overwhelmed, or just kind of looking at us in a fog like what are you saying!  :)  We began using a few words that were a part of our everyday life and just using those very, very often.  Ex. "puppy" was one of the first, because our dog Honey's kennel was just outside the kitchen window.  Before long she was saying "puppy" back at us wanting to go over to the window to see.  She'd get SO excited when she said the word and look at us like "Hey!! ... see? ... I said your word!!".  It was so neat to see the little lightbulb of her mind shining brightly at familiar words.  Same with "milky".  Each time it was feeding time I'd say, "Let's get some milky", or "Do you want milky?".  One evening I was leading a class for some ladies and said that to her on my way to the kitchen, having NO idea how familiar she was with that routine.  I got side-tracked and turned around the other direction to go get something for someone.  She LOST IT!!!  After a minute I realize what had happened.  It was then I realized how much progress we were making with language.  So I kept that up adding a couple new words each week.  It's amazing how much this has helped.  Not just in teaching her the language, but in bonding and connecting with her .... communication, what an important thing! 

Another thing we worked with early on was coaxing her to respond to us.  For example, each time I'd go get her out of her crib, instead of just picking her up (after we were home settling in) I would hold out my hands to her and wait until she'd reach for me.  Just these little things were really helpful so we could "praise" her and help her see it was a good thing.  :)

One thing to really keep in mind if you end up with a child that is slow to warm up to you is to remember they are not rejecting "YOU".  They have just had every bit of their life turned crazily upside down!!!  And at this age, no one can explain to them very well what is happening.  They are facing trauma.  But day by day, it will get better.  And before you know it, you'll be weeks/months into it enjoying many snuggles and affection with the one you traveled across the world to bring home.  

Looking back, while it was challenging in some ways to adopt a baby/toddler .... it has been SO rewarding!!!  I have learned so much on this journey.  It brings me such joy to be the receiver of Arsema's wet kisses.  To look into those deep eyes that once were full of SUCH caution towards me .... now shine back at me with joy and happiness ... well, I can't quite imagine a better sight.

It's still a process, but I have no doubt there are more "victories" ahead.  

Drums & Dancing

I know I promised a post on "Bonding and Language with the Older Baby", but had to post this first just because it's a fun one.  As you can see, Arsema loves the bongo drums!  

Where oh Where has Maleah Gone?

Yep!, if in doubt and she's missing .... quickly check the tub!  After having Naomi extremely fearful of water for the better part of two years of her life ... it's almost funny to have a daughter who is CRAZY for water!  If she even hears the tub running water off in the distance and it's not for her .... look out!, crying fits for sure.

As you can see, she's up on her feet some these days.  But mostly just to stand up to things and to impress us now and then with a few steps.  Most often she still relies on speed crawling.  

What JOY it is to see these big smiles so frequently.  

Next up is "bonding and overcoming language barrier in the older baby adoption".  Still pulling my thoughts together.

Missing in Action

Okay, so I realize it's been about a MONTH since we've updated here.  But truly we have been missing in "ACTION".  What a crazy whirlwind of a month!  We're going through some major life changes and at times it left us with our heads spinning.  How Great our God is though and He has carried us through each step.  

We had the absolute privilege recently to go back HOME.  Our first stop was at some dear friends of ours in IA.  They have been such incredible long-distance friends to us.  We met them shortly after beginning our life together as a family back in our Louisiana days.  Boy do they ever know about hospitality.  After a very LONG day traveling, they welcomed us in and made the very most of our time together.  We kept them up horribly late and just treasured every moment.  The next morning we got up and finished the trip onto IL.  I did a very lousy job of taking photos on this trip.  Perhaps it was because we were in kind of a fog.  Thankfully, Lord willing, it won't be too much longer though and we'll be going back.  Then let the photo shoot begin!

It had been WAY too long since I'd seen my mom.  What a faithful friend she has been.  God has truly opened up her heart big and it was just such a joy to introduce her to our newest babe.  I sure hope I look as young as her when I'm a grandma of many!

On the way home, we stopped off for swimming to break up the trip a bit.  The "big pool" was too much for our little bathing beauties.  So Arsema found the wet tile the perfect spot to splash.  Then we decided the littles would be much happier up in the "pool tub", so Daddy was helpful to take them up for some tub time while I relaxed and let the two boys play.

No, we didn't lose a son on the trip!  He was just enroute with my dad who so graciously traveled ALL the way out to ND to load up many of our belongings and dog and safely transport them all back to IL.  Now if that isn't a dedicated Grandpa, I don't know what is!!  I'm just really sad I didn't think to take a photo of that!  Big bummer for sure.  Our things will be waiting for us in that trailer, so hopefully we can get a shot of it back in IL.

SO .... that kinda fills you in on what we were doing all month ... packing, sorting, throwing, packing, etc.  

We were a bit anxious about the trip and how Maleah would do.  She proved to be a great traveler and seemed to really enjoy it.  It was also fun bringing her back home and seeing her recognize where we were.  The absolute BEST news of the week is that she learned to give HUGS!!!!  I mean "REAL" hugs!  I guess it's official ..... she loves us.  I can't tell you how good this did my heart after two long months of working towards this.  Our sad and scared babe has truly transformed into a blossoming and joyful tot.  She's even trying to take a few steps.  

Wanna give a shout out to all our fellow Gladney families who have received WONDERFUL news this week!!!  Many referrals, many travel clearances.  We could not be happier for you all!  Several of these children we held and took things to when we met Arsema.  What joy it is to see them finally getting united with their families.  

Much more to share .... in the coming days.

The Abba Fund

The ABBA Fund Blog , written by Jason Kovacs is a resource you will want to check out if you haven't already!  As many of you know, The ABBA Fund has helped play a huge part in both of our adoptions.  If you are contemplating adoption, but are hesitant or somewhat paralyzed by the expenses involved, I urge you to look into this ministry.  They provide no-interest adoption loans, but not only that, they are also a wonderful resource for gathering ideas on how to fund an adoption.  

I truly believe there are MANY out there who have a heart for the fatherless, the orphaned .... but perhaps they are like us, a single-income family or a very modest income family.  If God had opened your eyes to see the needs of orphans, if He has opened your heart to love them, if He has opened your ears to hear their cries . . . do NOT ignore what He has done.  I am not saying it's gonna be easy, in fact you just might be in for the largest time of growth in your life!  

Our minds get polluted here in America about what "need" really is.  Everyone is so busy chasing the "American Dream" that often we forget what really matters for eternity.  Our family's bank account might not be too padded, but I cannot even put into adequate words what it was like to look out on Father's Day as we prepared for prayer time at church and see our two daughters who now have a Daddy.  My heart just aches for the many children we saw in our recent trip to Ethiopia who do not.  

I've said it before and should repeat it again ... not every family is called to "adopt", but we are all called to CARE.  I just want to encourage you, and urge you that if you truly have a heart to open your family and home to a child .... do not let ANYTHING stand in the way.  We have seen God move mountains!  He helped us climb over many of them as well on our recent adoption journey.  

Check out Jason's posts on the ABBA Fund Blog.  It will truly be an encouragement to you.  We are so excited about what God is doing in their ministry.  You can sign up for a monthly newsletter as well that comes via email.

Things People Say . . .

Before we adopted the first time, I had done extensive reading about "becoming a trans-racial family" and such related things.  Becoming familiar with things people might say, etc.  It was a huge help in preparation.  But I have to tell ya .... nothing can quite prepare you for when the things are said to "you" and "your children" when you're out and about, or just in conversation.  It might come from a friend, a complete stranger, or even a family member.  I'm convinced that almost all the time it is not said in haste or in any way intended to be offensive.  

For all of you adoptive veterans, this stuff will be old to you .... but after a recent shopping trip and hearing yet more of those types of things, I thought it might be helpful to those of you beginning this journey to hear some of our experiences.  

These will be in no particular order.  Because our blog is not only a place for family and friends to have kept up to date with our adoption .... and since many of the folks who visit here are fellow adoptive families .... I'm focusing on the second group with this topic.  I guess that's just a little disclaimer that if friends or family were to read anything in this post that sounds familiar .... NO worries .... these things happen and for the sake of helping to prepare and encourage the adoptive families that stop by here I'm gonna share them.  There, I feel better now.  :)  

• Is she yours?
• Is her behavior different because she's black?
• Well, at least she's not FULL black (assuming our first was bi-racial, which was not accurate by the way - ha!).
• So, are you babysitting?
• Are they sisters?  (I knew this famous question was coming once I had both girls out.)
• Where did she come from?
• Gee, she turned out cute. (from a nurse at a 2 yr. well check, commenting in a surprised tone as you would a breed of a dog - thank goodness that nurse is no longer there!)
• So what happened to her mom?
• How could someone just leave her?
• Well, at least you're not gonna live close to the grandparents and be rubbing their nose in it. (the fact our child would be likely African American)
• Maybe she can grow up and marry so-and-so's child (who is of similar ethnicity).
• So, did you get inspired by Brad and Angelina?
• Wow, so adoption is so fast huh?, ya just go pick 'em up! (obviously that person knew nothing about adoption)
• When do you get the title to her? (question about when is the adoption final - and yes I about died that day)
• Are they twins?
• So did ya just get to pick one out?
• You can do like she did (pointing to me) and just "adopt" your girls. (this was said to another expecting mom saying how she hoped her baby was a girl)

There's no doubt been many more, but these are the most common.  Again, I truly believe that most of the time the person means no ill-intention.  Sometimes I take the opportunity to educate and answer their questions.  Sometimes I just wanna be out with my daughter(s) and enjoy my day.  Amazingly I still get surprised and wonder why people notice us.  I forget we stand out to some.  

Right now my girls are 3 and 1.  It won't be too much longer and they will begin to understand the questions.  They will be faced with the harsh reality of an imperfect world.  I used to worry more about this.  During our trip to Ethiopia though .... seeing SO many children without a family, many without the basic needs in life ... somehow it helps to put it in perspective.  And while my daughters will never share my skin-tone, I pray that they will know without a spec of doubt that they are LOVED and CHERISHED.  Their lives will not be without heart-ache.  None of us get that luxury.  But in our home and in our family they will have a safe haven and Lord willing we will help prepare them as they go out on their own someday.

I think one of the biggest "helps" we can give our children is to just be aware of what types of things will be part of our lives.  People ARE going to say things.  We WILL be noticed as a family.  It's not all negative, for sure not at all.  We have had people embrace us, encourage us, celebrate with us ... friends, family and even complete strangers.  But I would be doing my children a dis-service if I was naive about the other side that sometimes happens too.  

As more and more families embrace adoption, I have to think that as my children grow up there will be others in their circle of influence that share similar family make-ups.  As the girls and I were sitting waiting for the guys to pick us up at the mall the other day we enjoyed one such encounter.  Arsema was in the stroller, content people-watching, while Naomi took advantage of mommy having an empty lap and curled up for a snuggle.  We were just visiting about who knows what, I can't even remember what my chatter-box was conversing about .... when a little girl about 5 or 6 bopped by on her way back to her mother.  Naomi perked up and said quietly, "Mommy ... she looks like me!".  Sure enough, they shared the same light chocolate brown skin and ringlet curls.  I had noticed this mom/daughter duo a little earlier but hadn't said anything.  So I just sat and observed through my daughter's eyes awhile.  The little girl snuggled up on her mom's lap too, down a ways in another seating area.  Naomi said ... "Mommy, she likes to snuggle with her mommy too.".  She commented again about her looking like "Naomi".  I said ... "What about her mommy? ...... I think she looks like me."  (her mommy matched my skin-tone)  Whether the little girl was adopted, or just had parents of different ethnicities we'll never know ... but Naomi and I just sat snuggled up together, just as the other mommy/daughter were and smiled and felt warm inside.  It was a special reminder that there are other families who are going through a similar journey as we are in this life.  I cannot imagine my life any other way anymore.

Visiting the Caregivers

So . . . we met Arsema on Monday and on Wednesday we went to the Gladney care center for the long-awaited coffee ceremony.  We went early as we had tons of pictures to take for waiting families and we also wanted to spend time with Arsema's care givers.  We knew from the pictures we had received that there were a couple of care givers who she was especially attached to.  Yes, that is a slight grin you see in this picture after two days being together ....... ah, the little victories.  :)

She spent about five months in Gladney's care following being at Kebebetsehay orphanage.  They nurtured her, loved her and helped get her strong and healthy as she waited for us.  We are forever grateful to them for all they did for our sweetie.  Gladney also has a full-time nurse, named Sister.  She and Arsema knew each other very well since they spent so much time together with her being sick with TB.  I had heard some stories so I was a bit prepared, or so I thought, for what we would experience.

It wasn't but a couple seconds and one of the caregivers spotted us and started calling for Arsema.  Soon then another and they were insistent we would come across the street first to where she had been (the two houses are across the street from each other).  So as we entered the gate about ten caregivers came running from every direction chanting Arsema .... Arsema ..... and the rest is about a blur.  HA!  

I had her dressed in a pretty little dress for this special day and I raised her up out of the sling so one caregiver could hold her.  In a matter of literally three seconds or less she was stripped down ... at first I thought, oh no, they didn't approve of how I'd dressed her .... but no ... it wasn't that ... of course it was to change her into a dress that one of them had gotten for her. 

 

So soon she was changed and they were all squabbling over who would hold her and get their photo.  It was joyous craziness I tell ya!  David started snapping photos and I went to pick up a couple babes who wondered WHAT ALL THE FUSS!!! .... they were not so happy the attention was on someone else.  It was precious.  So I enjoyed some moments holding wee-ones that I'm sure some of their mommies and daddies are following our journey.  

I had heard how much the caregivers love the children, but can I be horribly honest with you? ... please no icky comments or I might cry .... but it just didn't bring me much comfort as we waited and we waited and we waited for our referral.  I knew she was being cared for, but this momma's heart just broke that I couldn't be there.  Seeing these young women with her, most of them having been orphans themselves ...... it was just beauty like I can't describe.  There was sadness and rejoicing all wrapped up together.  

What was especially encouraging was that just after two days of her being with us (remember my last post she was s-l-o-w to warm up to us) she was already showing signs of attaching to us.  When she'd see someone she knew she'd just SQUEAL with delight and leap for them.  I would love to see her like this and happily hand her over and just observe.  It was such a wonderful morning there.  To see her in the place that had been "home", in the arms of those who loved her.  But watch out because unless it was a favorite of hers, she was not about to just go to anyone and would cling to me instead.  Then the caregivers would just roar laughing as she was so picky and choosey over who could have her affection.  

It was amazing how much was communicated that day without many words spoken.  These young women are so thrilled that the children will have a mommy and daddy ... a family.  I found they were so eager to show their affection .... many, many hugs and embraces were shared.

Then we went across the street to the coffee ceremony.  Arsema saw "Sister" from across the room there and I knew right away where she was headed.  It was wonderful.  Sister got to take her around and spend some time with her and Arsema was just enjoying it so much.  It was such a boost to her sadness and uneasiness.  What was so precious was when Sister came back to us and Arsema could not decide who she wanted .... Sister or her new momma.

Back and forth she'd reach, until I just motioned for Sister to sit next to me so she could have both.  Then it was time for snuggling, a bottle and a nap while we finished the enjoying the wonderful coffee ceremony.

Strong, delicious coffee with sugar and popcorn.  A most unusual and wonderful combination.  

We visited one more day before leaving and then that was it.  By then Arsema was bonded even more and while it was SO wonderful to visit, she and I could only handle one last visit. It was time to say good-bye and embrace our new life together.  

Some have asked what we call her now ...... Maleah or Arsema.  After our time in Ethiopia, Arsema will always be a special name for her.  They would sing her name to her in a little chant to a tune that is embedded into my heart.  It still brings her smiles and dancing when I sing it to her.  So the answer is we use both.

For you waiting families .... with the recent events and delays, I hope you can be encouraged to know that while your arms ache to hold your child . . . they are being loved and cared for by women who are truly devoted to them.  They aren't there to replace you .... when you go they will be SO thrilled to finally meet you.  I saw it in them as we delivered care packages.  They LOVE seeing the family pictures and show your little ones your pictures and tell them MaMa, DaDa, brother, sister, etc.  They are eager to see these children meet their forever families.   I know the waiting and unknowns can be heart-wrenching.  Keep holding on .... your little ones are counting on you to stay the course.  

Meeting Arsema

Wow, can it really be a month since that big day? I've wanted to share more about our meeting day for you families that are adopting older babies. I was so grateful for the families that shared with us, to help prepare us for the possibilities.

We had gotten those infamous "updates" from Gladney helping clue us in to the fact that our babe would likely not be leaping for joy into our arms. Ya know ... those phrases like ... slow to warm up to strangers, tempermental (yes, Travis had the audasidy to tell sweet Arsema's parents that she was tempermental!). In fact!! .... when we met him at the airport after all those LONG flights he kind of chuckled when he knew we were Arsema's parents. But now I chuckle at him to know she was just savin' up all her charm for us. Anyway, point is, we knew it was going to be a process to earn this child's trust. Keeping a few things in mind really helped us.

1) Have realistic expectations and take things slow.
2) Be continually mindful that EVERYTHING is changing for this child: every routine, every smell, every sound.
3) Be patient, both with your child and each other.
4) Prepare! . . . Lift weights prior to travel, these kids are HEAVY!



Realistic Expectations:
Every child is unique and different, as are their circumstances that brought them to the point of being an orphan to begin with. We knew Arsema had already had a long battle with illness and two major moves in her short life. When she arrived at Gladney from the orphanage she could hardly bear weight on her legs (at nine months old). You should see her strong thighs now! Wowzers! You could describe her our first day as being quiet, cautious, withdrawn, shocked, solemn, sad, scared, timid, fearful. She'd stare through us down to our core. She didn't even cry, it would be too risky to show that much outward emotion. She was somewhat stiff. But we had seen her in action (THANKS to some traveling families) so we knew what some of her facial expressions were when she wasn't in such shock and stress. This helped tremendously.



Change:
EVERYTHING changes. When you are out and unsure of what those around you are saying, or trying to communicate to your waitress and they don't understand ..... this is your child's new reality every moment! We tried to keep this at the forefront of our minds. Older babies aren't so naive about everything changing and they aren't old enough to be able to prepare them as are pre-school age children. It's just all of a sudden, in one moment, their entire life is turned upside down. You the parent are dying to get there .... you have LONGED for this moment ... but you must remember that for your child, their whole little world is getting flipped upside down and shaken up. We found that it really helped to relate to her when we kept this in mind.



Patient:
We knew it was possible she would not bond to either of us quickly, or possibly just one of us. Poor Arsema, it was like I was the best option of the choices before her and she would "tollerate" me. That's all it was for awhile. I'd hold her stiff body and just gently rub her back. I tried not to speak tons to her, as humming seemed to soothe her more than a bunch of English chitter-chatter. I could tell by her pictures she was teething, but the first day she didn't even dare open her mouth to chew on her fingers. At first she wouldn't eat even for me. We knew by the size of that belly and thighs the girl liked to eat! :) So I'd just offer things to her and let her go at her own pace. Looking back, I think this was a huge part of the progress that followed. While all this was going on, her daddy's heart was breaking (though he tried not to say it) as she would not have much at all to do with him. We just took it slow. We were pro-active in showing each other affection in front of her, so she'd know we were "together" in this. In all those car rides (trust me you'll be in the car a LOT) I'd sit close to David, with her on my lap. Eventually (this took quite awhile) I'd have her sit between us ... huge step. Before long she'd hold out her foot for David to play with it. It was all on her terms. She'd pull it away like she didn't want him touching her .... then she'd put it right back for more. These simple little games really built trust. If this happens to you, where your child bonds to one first before the other ... I'd encourage you just to support each other and remind each other this is perfectly normal and it won't last forever.



Prepare:
Seriously! .... prepare yourself for a LOT of carrying, especially that of an older baby. I knew my girls would be similar weight. Thankfully Naomi still likes to be carried a lot when we're out and about. She helped keep my arms strong and ready. But there is a difference of a 25 lb toddler/preschooler that "hangs on" and a HEAVY 23 lb baby that is resisting being held. Since she would only let me hold her ... and since you're on the go SO much while in Ethiopia ... you can imagine that even the most dedicated mom would grow weary ... especially on the days you don't feel so well. I would switch off from just carrying her myself, to using a sling, to using a front pack carrier. This helped as each version uses different muscles. Prepare your heart too. It is a process! Did Arsema fall in love with us instantly? ... no way. She wouldn't even touch the toy I brought her to entice her. But each few hours we saw progress. There were so many little milestones along the way during our time in Ethiopia. Now instead of the "mostly sad and occasional smile" we get the "tons of smiles and laughter and occasional sadness". It has been SUCH A JOY to watch her blossom in this process.

It is hard to watch your child have to go through this transition phase. I hated seeing her sad. I wanted her to know so much how I deeply loved her and worked SO hard to get to her. But the grief IS part of the process. And as you just work to meet them right where they are at ..... the bonding comes. As you work to meet their needs consistently ... trust comes. And before you know it .... attachment has begun.  

People ask how Arsema is doing with bonding/attachment. I'm so grateful to be able to say she is doing WELL. As I write this she has woken from a nap and her daddy got her up, fed her a bottle (she would not take food from anyone besides me at first) and has her out in the yard in the stroller. Just four short weeks ago I could not leave her for 2 minutes to use the bathroom without total breakdown. She's come a long way. The language barrier is still there. But every few days I hear her say a new English word and it just cracks me up! She's learning from us ... but I think more importantly we've learned so much from her.

A New Do for Big Sister!

Well, this has been the sick house lately! Big sister has some kind of virus causing a long week of fevers. I was feeling bad because since we didn't want Maleah to get anything on top of what she already had, Dad was taking care of Big Sis. Now that Little Sis is feeling better, she's taking more to her Daddy ... so yesterday while they were rocking Naomi and I had some time to reconnect. We received these great little "hair snaps" from a friend just before we left for Ethiopia. I've been so anxious to try them.

So these pics show our first attempt at twists. Naomi's head is very narrow, so the parts didn't end up just as I had in mind, but since she was still sick I didn't want it to get too long for her. She was THRILLED with her new "do" ... so we had to go outside and get some pics to send to Grandma.

Her hair is not very coarse at all, so this style is not going to last as long as it does for some. But I do think it will be a great style when she's outside to keep her hair from getting so tangled. It's also fun to finally see how LONG her hair really is.

Thanks Rebecca for our sampling of "hair snaps"!! Naomi loves them! Where can I purchase more?

Traveling with New Friends!

As many of you families have encountered for yourselves ... one of the greatest blessings on this journey is the support you have from fellow adoptive families.  All along we wondered who we'd be traveling with.  Finally it all came about when we passed court and frantically made travel arrangements.  There were three of us families that really wanted to stay in one of the guest houses we'd heard such great reviews about.  So it ended up that we shared the Ayat House with Angie & Anil  ... and just down the road the Treats stayed in the other guest house.  We will never forget our time with these two amazing families!  As you'll soon get to realize, mealtime is LONG in Ethiopia.  Thankfully most meals we shared with these families so while we waited to order, waited for our food and then waited for our ticket (this became our group joke) ... there was much time to be together.  Three unique families ... three different ages/stages of children.  We saw each other on our good days and our bad.  Our experience was so much richer, sharing it with these friends.

We were so grateful to get to stay at the Ayat House.  Honestly, we really needed it for the financial option, but we were so glad to be near where our daughter had spent the last five months of her life.  The Ayat House is not right in the city.  The HUGE plus is, the air is cleaner.  The downside is it does take increased travel time to get to and from everywhere.  There were days that made me weary.  There is a fridge, yet we experienced quite a bit of power outages that we were glad we hadn't purchased much food needing to be kept cool.  The hospitality of Wegayu and the housekeeper Wimmet was fabulous!!!  They are very into babies/children.  It's too bad it took til the very last moment for Arsema to realize how great Wegayu was.  I think she burst his bubble as she was not about to accept his affections the entire week.  These great photos of the kids were captured by Angie and Anil while I was upstairs finishing packing.  

I remember someone mentioning that the dogs bark at night.  Well, um .... it is true.  And the earplugs I took just didn't end up fixing the problem for me.  The first few nights I think they camped out under my window.  I certainly felt safe!! ... yet it was terribly loud.  Either I got more and more tired, or they calmed down ... either way, by the end of the week I noticed that I woke far less from them.  

I would choose staying here all over again.  It was a great place for our family.  We were also excited to learn while in Ethiopia that Belay is opening a new guesthouse right in the city!  David and Colton got the tour one day (I stayed in the vehicle, as Arsema had finally crashed for a nap!).  It will be another wonderful option for families!!  Ask your caseworker if you're interested.  

I'm swallowing all pride posting this last picture.  Yes indeed, Ang and I look like we just survived a 17 hour international flight leaving at 10:30 pm no less!  I really should have packed a cute  hat like Ang's!  We still had two flights to get back to ND.  I don't know that I even want to see what those pics look like!  HA!  It didn't help that there was no power our last day either, which meant no last minute showers.  

We'll never forget you .... Renee & Todd and your amazing son Samuel .... 

Angie & Anil and your terrific little man Noah Arone.  

We look forward to keeping in touch and cheering you both on your next adoption journeys.