Today was an odd day ... I had like 20 min. alone with no other person (or personS) was around. I've realized as our older kids have gotten, well ... older ... that my "alone time" is more and more scarce. Normally this is just fine. I thoroughly enjoy time with my boys while sis is napping and we can do "older people" stuff.
But lately I've realized just how numb I'm becoming. If I so much as wear half a frown, my little girly is asking ... "MOMMY!, WHAT'S WRONG???". Well honey ... I have NO idea what tomorrow is gonna bring for 20 and a half weeks now and it could make a momma's heart go bonkers! (be assured, I do not tell her this)
So what happened when I finally had that alone time? T-E-A-R-S. Tears??? Okay, they are much more salty than I ever remember. Made me realize just how long it's been since I've had a good cry. This is a good thing to do once in a while by the way. :)
Anyway, an old Twila Paris song came to my mind. It's one that so often would through the years when I'd be facing an especially trying time. Perhaps you know it. It was clear back at our MBI days that we saw her in concert. Seems ages ago ... gee, I guess it was!
Tonight after everyone headed to bed I did a search for it and found this video. What's even better is that she goes into another great song next that is truly the cry of us waiting families .... "Do I trust you, Lord?". There are so many unknowns wrapped up in adoption, especially international adoption.
I have nothing profound to share ... just that I am SO thankful that my heavenly father knows right where I'm at. He knows that I trust Him, even when I don't have answers. And when I struggle to trust Him ... all I have to do is look to Him and He'll show me how.
Friday, February 22, 2008
Posted by Shelly Roberts at 8:24 PM